Suffering😬
Imagine that you’re driving and someone cuts you off. You slam on your brakes, and I am sure that you are familiar with the feeling that follows. A wave of tense anger! Or imagine someone listening to music on a speaker while you are trying to study, Or mom made your favourite dish for lunch, you were waiting for it since morning but then there is extra salt in it or you were planning a meetup with friends from long and on the planned day, it started raining and the plan got cancelled! Here’s my favourite, when you are just about to log off from work but then you hear this…
If you are unfamiliar with the sound, I think you are a little happier already, kidding :d
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not manifesting these things for you, but these things are inevitable and at the same time are not in our control but are sufficient to make us irritable or unease for the rest of the day or some could even for weeks. But after going through all this we all ask the same question
WHY ALWAYS ME GOD???
WHY IS THAT? WHY INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON ALL THE GOOD THINGS, WE ALWAYS TEND TO GO BACK TO THE BAD ONES? WHY DOES A SMALL NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE RUIN OUR OTHERWISE GOOD DAY?
The reason is negative events have a greater impact on our brains than positive ones. Psychologists refer to this as the NEGATIVE BIAS. This means that we feel the sting of a rebuke more powerfully than we feel the joy of praise.
Example:
You humiliated yourself in front of your friends years ago and can still vividly recall the event. You find yourself cringing with embarrassment over it, even though your friends have probably forgotten about it entirely. or,
You had an argument with your friend, and afterwards, you find yourself focusing on all the flaws and everything which is wrong instead of acknowledging their good points.
BUT FROM WHERE DOES IT COME FROM? I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR IT!
It is our ancestor’s fault, YES, I am talking about the cavemen. Millions of years ago, our ancestors were exposed to immediate environmental threats, and as, it was matter of life or death, they used to scrutinize everything and mostly take everything as a threat to their lives. It was ONLY because of this that they survived. Now, because of this, they gave extra attention to negative emotions and that’s the reason it is much more powerful than positive ones. Even though we don’t need them now, it is still engraved in us!
But the good thing is that we can mitigate it to some extent. The most important factors are by living consciously like how we talk to ourselves about our experiences, and by being more grateful.
But isn’t it such a strange and weak thing to do? To pause and thank for everything that is going well and to be content with things as they are! Isn’t this dangerous? For accepting what we have? Like it will make us complacent, and lazy, and take away the willpower to do anything else?
Let’s see what is Guru’s take on this.
ANAND SAHIB — VERSE 2
ay man mayri-aa too sadaa rahu har naalay.
har naal rahu too man mayray dookh sabh visaarnaa.
angeekaar oh karay tayraa kaaraj sabh savaarnaa.
sabhnaa galaa samrath su-aamee so ki-o manhu visaaray.
kahai naanak man mayray sadaa rahu har naalay. ||2||
TRANSLATION
O my mind, remain always with Hari.
Remain always with the Hari, O my mind, and all sufferings will be forgotten.
He will accept You as His own, and all your affairs will be perfectly arranged.
Our Lord and Master is all-powerful to do all things, so why forget Him from your mind?
Says Nanak, O my mind, remain always with Hari. ||2||
Guru reminds us of the oneness, reminds us about the bigger picture of life itself, and we use that reminder to not to worry so much about our daily struggles. And when we change our perspective, we change how we live our life. Guru is recommending us
Remain always with Hari
Keep your mind in the flow of life!
BUT HOW WILL IT SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS?
Life has its way of doing what it needs to do. Change is the most inevitable thing which will happen in life and we don’t control the changes, we can just accept and live.
When we start to realise about the universe, we realise that even our own lives are part of a bigger flow of life, what it does is, it changes our perception of CONTROL. The idea after which WE START BECOMING MORE COMFORTABLE WITH THE UNEXPECTED EVENTS IN LIFE.
Just like a fish, it can either go in the direction of the flow of the river, or it can go in the opposite direction of the flow, strugling, keep on resisting and accusing the river for not listening!
We also tend to do the same… NOTHING EVER HAPPENS THE WAY I WANT! or LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!
How unreasonable is it for a fish to blame the river? Accusing it of not listening? Labelling it to be unfair and for not flowing the way it wants it to? Because the river doesn’t have any other way of flowing, it can only move the way it is moving right now. The choice is with the fish. It can now either keep resisting or it can let go of control and flow with the direction of the river.
And the moment it does that, the struggle reduces, and the suffering reduces!
It is not heroic to always be dissatisfied or to focus on everything that is going wrong, to be obsessed with plans that we have for our life.
All the discomfort happens because life is going in a particular way but our expectations are completely different. We are trying to create life like the fantasy we have in our minds. And the closer our mind is to reality, the more content we’ll feel and the more the delta is between reality and our mind, the more sorrow we are going to feel.
And the recommendation from Guru is
O my mind,
always remain with Hari
The universe is just a series of events that are happening, and we are just a part of it. Give the control back to the universe.
Consider it like a play and the script is already written, we are just supposed to act out our part. The story is already going, I simply need to be part of it, and enjoy it. I can’t blame other people to act my way, NO, they are acting their part, and I am supposed to act mine without complaining.
And Guru is asking
Why do you forget that this life isn’t yours? Why do you forget that your body isn’t yours? Your family isn’t yours? Nothing that you own, all the circumstances… How many things have you made? Did you make your body? Have you created all the things that you have in your life? You might have move certain things here and there, but overall universe is doing everything.
Practice acceptance, practice letting go and when we practice that, Guru is saying
You should remain with Hari O mind, Who destroys all sorrows.
Who brings you close and solves all your deeds.
Then all your problems will be solved. It doesn’t mean that those situations will disappear, but, the event that was earlier looked like a problem, won’t feel like a problem, as our perception towards it will be changed.
The solution is not doing more, or changing more, or controlling more. Guru is saying, that is not the way you are going to get happiness, you will get happiness by letting go, and by surrendering.